I shall commence with a disclaimer: I feel cranky. And, since this sentiment has slowly escalated over the past several weeks to the crankiest level of cranky yet, a level now high enough to instigate a session before the keyboard of my laptop, I forewarn you of an imminent perch upon a soapbox.
Let me launch my tirade by stating that I am sick of and sickened by the spate of media pundits in positions arrayed across the political spectrum who engage in emotional rants carefully constructed with a narrow selection of facts and cleverly presented half-truths--not to overlook the addition of an out-and-out lie should any opportune moment arise--and then varnished with histrionics and demonizations of key opposition players, especially when said broadcast conversation is rationalized with "I'm an entertainer." I am totally appalled, however, with listeners who mindlessly accept what they hear from these talker-entertainers as the full truth and the only way to proceed. Religious people may be accused of having "blind faith" and acting in "blind obedience," but I would submit that a much greater danger exists from too many citizens practicing "blind faith" and "blind obedience" in the realm of politics and government. Just because someone says something is so doesn't make something so, even if that someone is a person we like, trust, or share common beliefs with. Never should we underestimate the impact of checking out the facts or the perspectives of multiple sources, including the opposition's; such efforts exponentially increase our own knowledge base and powerfully enhance our ability to focus and fine tune our own beliefs preliminary to pursuing a more authentic course of action.
Another current irritant for me is the glut of "Nazis" and "dictators" in our political system. Just because we don't like someone and/or we disgree with someone's political point of view does not necessarily make him/her another Hitler, Stalin, or Mao, nor does it necessarily make him/her a Nazi, a facist, a communist, or a dictator. Neither Bush nor Obama are dictators nor is either one really at all similar to Hitler in leadership style or philosophy. Name calling bridges nothing between differing points of view; it is virtually useless to any constructive endeavor.
And one final harangue before I close is directed to those who proclaim, "I want my America back." Get real! Beyond your personal conception of what America was or is, there is no "my America"; there is only "our America." Not even any of our founding fathers got "his America," the one perfectly envisioned in his mind--which is probably to their credit and our benefit, although I also believe that some of their ideas that didn't make it into the Constitution and our plan of government then are things you or I might still wish had been instituted and implemented. I also harbor some impatient annoyance toward one demonstrator within range of a TV microphone who avowed that she wanted her children to grow up in the same America she grew up in. Not going to happen. Impossible, in fact, if only because influences of continued advances in technology and globalization--which, of course, are not nearly all the reasons at all. And no matter what period of time in US history any of us might select as being golden, we should be mindful that for certain other Americans that same period of time represents a difficult period of time, one tarnished by economic, social, or political adversity.
Americans--our individual narratives are richly diverse and yet each records joy and sorrow, success and loss, abundance and hardship, and usually an unextinguishable sense of hope. Perchance we could think more often of the portrait of America we paint together instead of whether the colors of our personal narrative fall more blue or more red or even more green.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Virtual Flirtation 101
In May, angry at her on-again/off-again boyfriend of eight years, my friend Carolee created a profile on e-Harmony. She confessed when I asked about "the man" while we were in Peru. We talked--okay, we giggled, too--on several occasions during our travels about her experience with the process up to that point, and ultimately, to encourage her (Carolee is totally a social being) and offer moral support, I volunteered to flirt virtually with her for one summer month upon our return to the states. Once stateside, however, I discovered that Carolee's $20/month subscription fee to e-Harmony was one deal the company had no intention of offering me; one month for me would cost $60. Well, I backed right out of my proposal, fully admitting that $60 towards new shoes carried exceedingly more sway for me than the opportunity play the online dating game. So, while in the states this summer, I bought four pairs of shoes instead!
I have several friends who have sampled the online meet and match scene--some just to dabble, others to seriously engage with the method. One of my friends actually met her now husband on a site such as e-Harmony, and another one is still corresponding with someone she met through an online service. In August Carolee described a few of her "matches" to me, sought advice on how to respond, and continued to suggest that I check out e-Harmony's site. The week I spent in Japan before reporting back to school I finally succumbed to my curiosity and logged in to e-Harmony.
Guess what! You can have your personality/character evaluated, set up your entire profile, and begin receiving matches without paying the subscription fee! During one afternoon I took the personality survey, which seemed like a fairly accurate analysis except for the part that said I am "outgoing"--generally not a descriptor for me. Then I established my "settings" and kinda sorta completed portions of my profile by responding to about two/thirds of the guiding questions...rather briefly, I've since learned, in comparison to other's responses. Within 24 hours I received notification of SIX matches, and, within the next 24 hours, three of those six proceeded to dump me, all three providing as a reason NO PHOTO! (One also included the information that he was pursuing another relationship while another one also included that I lived too far away. Since I used my summertime stateside location for my profile, I'm sure "Japan" would have been a critically negative additional fact for that one!)
The next day I uploaded a photo of me taken in Peru--certainly not a "glamour" shot, as is a suggestion by the site for a higher probability of success--and I haven't been dumped since. Now, to fully appreciate this development, you should know that each day since I created that profile I receive notification of four to six new matches. (Four more showed up today, by the way.) I now have over fifty matches scattered all across the USA plus Ireland!
However, because I have yet to be convinced I want to spend $60 to subscribe to e-Harmony, I only have access to the profiles of my matches...minus their photo(s). That's right--I am not permitted to SEE a visual unless I subscribe. I also cannot communicate with any of my matches. Five have indicated they would like to communicate with me, four with "guided communication" and one with "fast-track." Guided communication happens by sending questions selected from an e-Harmony designed list of questions, usually five at a time. There are four multiple choice answers provided for each question or the recipient can write his/her own response. Even in my "unsubscribed" status, I can look at the questions each of my communicative matches has chosen to send my way--and all four included "Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?"--but any responses from me cannot be sent...unless I subscribe! For the "faster" track scenario, I remain mostly clueless, although I suspect it includes emailing each other directly but with e-Harmony as the host; we would not have each other's personal email addresses. However, e-Harmony will not allow me to explore "fast-track" at all without--you know it--a paid subscription from me.
For awhile I found reading the profiles of matches somewhat entertaining, usually interesting, and occasionally thought-provoking. Eventually I can always deduce why we were "matched." And I have discovered, rather eerily too, that there really are a few people out there who write into a profile--content and style--very similarly to what I write into a profile. Now, though, two weeks into this experiment, I suspect I've wearied of profile reading because I have at least ten I haven't read yet; maybe I'll be inspired to open some more of them and maybe not. The virtual world of classes to take, games to play, flirtation to employ, and whatever else has often been a difficult sell for me. I prefer real bodies in a classroom, wind in my face, and the opportunity to look into someone's eyes. And, on the scale of desire, shoes still trump a subscription to e-Harmony.
I have several friends who have sampled the online meet and match scene--some just to dabble, others to seriously engage with the method. One of my friends actually met her now husband on a site such as e-Harmony, and another one is still corresponding with someone she met through an online service. In August Carolee described a few of her "matches" to me, sought advice on how to respond, and continued to suggest that I check out e-Harmony's site. The week I spent in Japan before reporting back to school I finally succumbed to my curiosity and logged in to e-Harmony.
Guess what! You can have your personality/character evaluated, set up your entire profile, and begin receiving matches without paying the subscription fee! During one afternoon I took the personality survey, which seemed like a fairly accurate analysis except for the part that said I am "outgoing"--generally not a descriptor for me. Then I established my "settings" and kinda sorta completed portions of my profile by responding to about two/thirds of the guiding questions...rather briefly, I've since learned, in comparison to other's responses. Within 24 hours I received notification of SIX matches, and, within the next 24 hours, three of those six proceeded to dump me, all three providing as a reason NO PHOTO! (One also included the information that he was pursuing another relationship while another one also included that I lived too far away. Since I used my summertime stateside location for my profile, I'm sure "Japan" would have been a critically negative additional fact for that one!)
The next day I uploaded a photo of me taken in Peru--certainly not a "glamour" shot, as is a suggestion by the site for a higher probability of success--and I haven't been dumped since. Now, to fully appreciate this development, you should know that each day since I created that profile I receive notification of four to six new matches. (Four more showed up today, by the way.) I now have over fifty matches scattered all across the USA plus Ireland!
However, because I have yet to be convinced I want to spend $60 to subscribe to e-Harmony, I only have access to the profiles of my matches...minus their photo(s). That's right--I am not permitted to SEE a visual unless I subscribe. I also cannot communicate with any of my matches. Five have indicated they would like to communicate with me, four with "guided communication" and one with "fast-track." Guided communication happens by sending questions selected from an e-Harmony designed list of questions, usually five at a time. There are four multiple choice answers provided for each question or the recipient can write his/her own response. Even in my "unsubscribed" status, I can look at the questions each of my communicative matches has chosen to send my way--and all four included "Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?"--but any responses from me cannot be sent...unless I subscribe! For the "faster" track scenario, I remain mostly clueless, although I suspect it includes emailing each other directly but with e-Harmony as the host; we would not have each other's personal email addresses. However, e-Harmony will not allow me to explore "fast-track" at all without--you know it--a paid subscription from me.
For awhile I found reading the profiles of matches somewhat entertaining, usually interesting, and occasionally thought-provoking. Eventually I can always deduce why we were "matched." And I have discovered, rather eerily too, that there really are a few people out there who write into a profile--content and style--very similarly to what I write into a profile. Now, though, two weeks into this experiment, I suspect I've wearied of profile reading because I have at least ten I haven't read yet; maybe I'll be inspired to open some more of them and maybe not. The virtual world of classes to take, games to play, flirtation to employ, and whatever else has often been a difficult sell for me. I prefer real bodies in a classroom, wind in my face, and the opportunity to look into someone's eyes. And, on the scale of desire, shoes still trump a subscription to e-Harmony.
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